How California deals with earthquakes. 6.0 this morning in Napa. (Photo credit: Jeremy Carroll)

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Title: Lovesong Artist: The Cure 2,161 plays


Lovesong" | The Cure

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if ur looking for me i’ll be in the trash

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My shower doesn’t drain fast enough for me to pee in it.

The only people up at 3 am are in love, lonely, drunk, or all three.


Episode 7

Humor's soft little underbelly ›



I watched Inside the Actors Studio featuring Robin Williams last night and cried. He was so sensitive and in moments of quiet or seriousness, he’d look down at the ground, shy and nervous. It broke my heart. There was this core of gentleness and wisdom to him that was so steady, I still can’t believe he’s not here anymore.

People can fake being smart but they can’t fake being funny. I’ve always been funny, I’d entertain huge groups of adults when I was little. I’d tell stories, make people laugh. It was the only way I knew how to connect with others and it continued through adulthood. I remember living in a sorority with women who were actually models having no idea how I got there, feeling so out of place. I got in because all of the girls wanted to date my brother, pretty sure. So I made people laugh and I did it at the expense of my self-respect, it had a desperate quality that makes me tear up just thinking about it. I’ve actually gotten huge jobs I wasn’t qualified for because I was funny, a former boss told me “We just like having you around, you make us laugh so hard! You’ll pick up the work eventually.” My god, how stupid were we both?

The type of funny you are reveals so much about your heart. There’s a soft and lovely funny, a quiet humor that’s rooted in paying attention to the world closer than others do and helping people love it’s frailty more though humor. There’s an almost activist kind of humor that wakes people up with a quick slap to the face and then there’s the dark humor that reminds us that everything is essentially illusion and temporary. And finally, biting, caustic humor that I think is more of a bitterness handshake then anything else.

I’m all of that at different times. Mostly though, I use humor as a shield so people can’t get to close. As I watched Robin Williams, I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what he did too. There’s so much joy in making people laugh. But at what expense? This is going to be a hard one to think about but I think it’s time.

This is such a thoughtful post - and it has me thinking a lot about how and why I use humor. 

I think, in many ways, humor is my way of dealing with life’s absurdity and the perpetual melancholy (toska) that is borne from it. If I didn’t have my sense of humor, I honestly don’t know how I would get by without being completely consumed.